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Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009

tequilasunset

11:38a Regarding... Cephalopodmas 13 Days of Cephalopodmas On the first day of Cephalopodmas, Cthulhu gave to me Histioteuthis heteropsis. On the second day of Cephalopodmas, Cthulhu gave to me Two cuttlefish, And Histioteuthis heteropsis. On the third day of Cephalopodmas, Cthulhu gave to me Three suckers, Two cuttlefish, And Histioteuthis heteropsis. On the fourth day of Cephalopodmas, Cthulhu gave to me Four snapping beaks, Three suckers, Two cuttlefish, And Histioteuthis heteropsis. On the fifth day of Cephalopodmas, Cthulhu gave to me Grimpoteuthis, Four snapping beaks, Three suckers, Two cuttlefish, And Histioteuthis heteropsis. On the sixth day of Cephalopodmas, Cthulhu gave to me Six arms a-flaying, Grimpoteuthis, Four snapping beaks, Three suckers, Two cuttlefish, And Histioteuthis heteropsis. On the seventh day of Cephalopodmas, Cthulhu gave to me Seven photophores a-flashing, Six arms a-flaying, Grimpoteuthis, Four snapping beaks, Three suckers, Two cuttlefish, And Histioteuthis heteropsis. On the eigth day of Cephalopodmas, Cthulhu gave to me Vampyroteuthis infernalis, Seven photophores a-flashing, Six arms a-flaying, Grimpoteuthis, Four snapping beaks, Three suckers, Two cuttlefish, And Histioteuthis heteropsis. On the ninth day of Cephalopodmas, Cthulhu gave to me Nine tentacles strangling, Vampyroteuthis infernalis, Seven photophores a-flashing, Six arms a-flaying, Grimpoteuthis, Four snapping beaks, Three suckers, Two cuttlefish, And Histioteuthis heteropsis. On the tenth day of Cephalopodmas, Cthulhu gave to me Ten ammonites, Nine tentacles strangling, Vampyroteuthis infernalis, Seven photophores a-flashing, Six arms a-flaying, Grimpoteuthis, Four snapping beaks, Three suckers, Two cuttlefish, And Histioteuthis heteropsis. On the eleventh day of Cephalopodmas, Cthulhu gave to me Eleven Architeuthis, Ten ammonites, Nine tentacles strangling, Vampyroteuthis infernalis, Seven photophores a-flashing, Six arms a-flaying, Grimpoteuthis, Four snapping beaks, Three suckers, Two cuttlefish, And Histioteuthis heteropsis. On the twelfth day of Cephalopodmas, Cthulhu gave to me Twelve inks sacs squirting, Eleven Architeuthis, Ten ammonites, Nine tentacles strangling, Vampyroteuthis infernalis, Seven photophores a-flashing, Six arms a-flaying, Grimpoteuthis, Four snapping beaks, Three suckers, Two cuttlefish, And Histioteuthis heteropsis. On the thirteenth day of Cephalopodmas, Cthulhu gave to me Thirteen Hapalochlaena, Twelve ink sacs squirting, Eleven Architeuthis, Ten ammonites, Nine tentacles strangling, Vampyroteuthis infernalis, Seven photophores a-flashing, Six arms a-flaying, Grimpoteuthis, Four snapping beaks, Three suckers, Two cuttlefish, And Histioteuthis heteropsis. Caitlin R. Kiernan May your days be filled with terror and tentacles! Don't forget! Cephalopodmas fell on December 22nd by the human calendar! Get your special squamous someone something fetid! Yesterday, (lucky me) I received something *special* which had several lovely tentacles.

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Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009

pamcash

11:44a It looks like I finally have the internet at home, so hello again! By "internet" I mean whatever you would call browsing on a computer that's probably more than 10 years old, opening websites with very few pictures, and viewing fonts I haven't seen in ages. It absolutely cannot handle facebook, but ol' LJ is PamComputer Compatible! (If you try to log on to Facebook, you are likely to be eaten by a grue, unless you type "use sword on friends" in three turns or less). I've BASICALLY finished moving, meaning I just have those last few things I forgot to get(oh, and a lot of cleaning to do at the old place). It's my first night here at the new Pamhole. I've been working on setting up furniture, organizing the room, and assembling stuff since 7AM this morning, but I don't feel tired at all. In fact I wish I were partying all night. Then again, I haven't tried laying down because I predict instant Zs. A hugely energizing task was color-coding everything. Why not hang up all my clothes according to color? Soon I became a bit obsessed with it and made two gradients- color and grayscale. These gradients are accurate. This was about 3pm-ish on very little food. There was too much black stuff, so there is a black pile. Black objects go there too. If I stay here for years there will probably be assigned locations for each color -- not just clothes but books and pens and cups-- if I decide to be that crazy.

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Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009

imadelinquent

1:01a xxx 12:11amMiss potter 12:12amEmily windel 12:13amMiss who are yee piss tit fuck ass shit toe knobs 12:14amEmily cunt clit circumcision 12:16amMiss pluots pears and parsley wtf is up emily narberth is ree donk 12:16amEmily narberth SUCKS alix i'm drunk i can't have a normal conversation http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPaGQEskSKM 12:17amMiss im drunk too dag wtf i NEED TO GET LAID FUCK WTF EMZ I CANT HANDLE THIS RIGHT NOW 12:20amEmily WHYYYYYY isn't your boyfriend laying you? 12:21amMiss we havent had money for condoms im tires of sucking dick hes not blaaaaaaah im going ot hump the walls 12:21amEmily oh jesus babe 12:21amMiss he's at work 12:21amEmily don't suck dick because you feel bad, bleh, i hate sucking dick 12:21amMiss im going to die with a dick in my mouth and dinner in the oven 12:21amEmily secondly 12:21amMiss i like it ok 12:21amEmily i'll buy you 3 packs of condoms for christmas, i promise tell me what kind 12:21amMiss its just hard to swallow naaah he best get some 12:22amEmily i HATE sucking dick 12:22amMiss it's easy tho i mean the rare occasion were its like ok just go to bed I JUST wANT TO GET MY PUSSY eAT piss it sucks 12:23amEmily yea, it's common curtosy... jesus you eat mine i eat yours 12:23amMiss If we got all this free timee why don't we just make each other feel good 12:23amEmily we gotta suck and suck and coke 12:23amMiss blah 12:23amEmily choke 12:23amMiss yeah man swallowing aint easy 12:23amEmily all they gotta do is wiggle their tounge around wtf! EW no i can't swallow cum anymore 12:23amMiss first off my breath smells like shit for like 5 hours 12:23amEmily the last time i did i choked and puked 12:23amMiss its annoying n im tired of vanilla sex 12:24amEmily we don't like shoot weird little half babies out, we don't liek shoot our eggs out 12:24amMiss i just want to have fucking kinky shit yeah man n my shit aint fowl jesus i dont eatmeat i eat mad fruit 12:24amEmily i feel ya hun 12:24amMiss i bathe eat my vagina jesus 12:24amEmily trust me i know before i ever ever get down i do a test to see if anythings funky never would i ever men are just arrogant, i feel lke, all of them 12:25amMiss seriously im such a fucking housewif e like gimme some I cook dinner I suck your dick can um i get some reciprocation wtf 12:26amEmily i can't believe that 12:26amMiss n he's bein so fuckin weird it could be me being a weirdo but like wa t the fuck 12:26amEmily i doubt it's you being a weirdo 12:26amMiss he spent like 4 days going on sand on about cheater in relationships n its like yo nigga wtf is up FUCK 12:27amEmily ... you're not going nuts that's fucking weird 12:27amMiss like i culdnt even watch the eagles like dude id your cheatin on me man up 12:27amEmily listen, if you suck his cock and he doesn't give you the favor back NOR fuck you, that's a deal breaker i've been watching a lot of 30 rock 12:28amMiss 30 thats not the tina fey jawn 12:29amEmily just the deal breaker 12:30amMiss like wtf man he's gettin complacent like i'll always be ther to suck cock sweep make d inner n clean the litter box n like he's supporting me riht now like financiallt n it brings in a new realm of shit n i know this is the boy im mean to be with so why the fuck cant he be a big boy 12:31amEmily does he see you as a house wife? like.... "i pay the bills, you suck my dick, fair is fair" 12:32amMiss i dunno 12:32amEmily maybe he sees you just as a housewife who sucks his dick for paying the bills, meaning he doesn't even have to work to get off 12:33amMiss i mean it seems like it would almos be justified but idk wtf man it sucks i duno im like becoming a door mat 12:33amEmily no baby i'm being brutally honest but i want you to know something!! 12:35amMiss ? 12:35amEmily you are always, 100% welcome here, you shouuld tell him "i'm going to emz for a day", but this is what you should say!! "listen, DUDE, if you're not going to fuck me, then i'm gonna go sleep at my friends house. BYE" 12:35amMiss I'm too fucking poor to get a fuckin token man it sucks 12:35amEmily you HAVE to annoy me. 12:35amMiss its so beat like really 12:36amEmily if you don't proove your own then he will NEVER take you seriously 12:36amMiss i know everyone keeps saying this n i don t even have money to leave the crib im bein adoormat 12:36amEmily nooo alix dont like, leave him just be liike 12:36amMiss i love him 12:36amEmily babe, if you won't fuck me, i'll go sleep with emz 12:37amMiss its such a convoluted sitatuou n 12:37amEmily i'm a girl, i'm non threatning 12:38amEmily oh alix i wish i could tell you how much i loved you, and how much i never once judged your boyfriend, trust me, i never thought badly of him 12:39amMiss he's awesome but its like i'm wifey'd the fuck out i dont mind but i want to fuckin have some recognition like seriously i hate sitting aournd while him n hen play video games 12:40amEmily that's the thing 12:40amMiss im sick of vanilla sex 12:40amEmily you won't get recognition 12:40amMiss im fucking tired of like i dunno i love h im to death but im wondering whats up like he was on this whole like cheatin schpiel for a minute 12:41amEmily women, girls, females, we're all a joke 12:41amMiss like for 4 fucking days nonstop all he would talk about was cheating and football players cheatin etc n it makes me uncomfortable n i love him and we've hit a rough spot but it's like wtf man why can't you love me i'm fucking cute as hell 12:42amEmily cheating and football players ? 12:42amMiss n im losing weight like a maniac which is cool but like its a lil worrsome 12:43amEmily alix i'm the worst person to ever ever give advice YOU'RE LOSING WEIGHT? 12:43amMiss like 'oh all these dudes cheat on there wives how many guys in america cheat on their wives 12:43amEmily what are you? 10 pounds? 12:43amMiss n its like ok they cheat but he keeps bringing it up incessantly n i even said dude why the fuck are you bringin this up not to mention how he freaks out whenever he sees a jewelery commercial 12:44amEmily do you think he cheated on you ever? 12:44amMiss and what i see is a man who loves me but will never want a significan commitment ill be damned if he had time to but im suspectin it n like seriosuly it's just like wrf is up your ass its tv i dunno and i wanna be with him n he's makin it so abundantly clear he doesnt want kids n im kinda torn about it which is nearly irrelevant but he keeps bringing it up 12:46amEmily he said he doesn't want kids ever? 12:48amMiss pretty much n im like well im 23 i dont want kids now but maybe in the future n he's like you dont want to ruin your body n its like wow suck cuz maybe i do want a baby b ut at any point in time a baby me and him come into close terms he wigs out n it sucks cuz i love him n this is who i think i sould be with but it's like...almost disrespect but he comes home wasted n he's all blah blah i love you so much i wanna be with you n i know i'm only 23 but it's like dude gimme an idea what your expecting 12:52amEmily he's a dumb man. i know that's horrible to say because i'm a new found feminist but seriously. that's gross. 12:52amMiss how so? 12:53amEmily NO i'm not saying your boyfriend is a dumb man but at the same time i am 12:53amMiss no juuuuust tell me 12:53amEmily oh, i'm the worst 12:53amMiss no your not im a housewife thats the worst 12:54amEmily i just think, no, know, women go through so much shit, to please men, in the house, in corporate, in any situation. 12:54amMiss it's retarded i'll never make as much money as him 12:55amEmily never. 12:55amMiss n like it makes me mad i'm always the cute eccentric girlfriend 12:55amEmily and there's nothing we can do about it 12:55amMiss hahaha. like, what the fuck 12:55amEmily lame! 12:56amMiss should i expect anything from this relationship or what 12:56amEmily you should expect it, yes! but don't be disappointed if it doesn't work. 12:57amMiss for real. honjestly, i love this boy, but i don't like feeling like if we are together in the long run its all him if it doesnt work i grow strong from my mismtakes but i mean i wanna get on the track to real life n if he's just fuckin with me im outtie forreal i mean how do you ask someone tha tlike,is this just a moment for you, or am i relevant?\ 1:01amEmily you've been with his for this long, so it's worth while

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imadelinquent

12:52a eat it Miss potter 12:12amEmily windel 12:13amMiss who are yee piss tit fuck ass shit toe knobs 12:14amEmily cunt clit circumcision 12:16amMiss pluots pears and parsley wtf is up emily narberth is ree donk 12:16amEmily narberth SUCKS alix i'm drunk i can't have a normal conversation http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPaGQEskSKM 12:17amMiss im drunk too dag wtf i NEED TO GET LAID FUCK WTF EMZ I CANT HANDLE THIS RIGHT NOW 12:20amEmily WHYYYYYY isn't your boyfriend laying you? 12:21amMiss we havent had money for condoms im tires of sucking dick hes not blaaaaaaah im going ot hump the walls 12:21amEmily oh jesus babe 12:21amMiss he's at work 12:21amEmily don't suck dick because you feel bad, bleh, i hate sucking dick 12:21amMiss im going to die with a dick in my mouth and dinner in the oven 12:21amEmily secondly 12:21amMiss i like it ok 12:21amEmily i'll buy you 3 packs of condoms for christmas, i promise tell me what kind 12:21amMiss its just hard to swallow naaah he best get some 12:22amEmily i HATE sucking dick 12:22amMiss it's easy tho i mean the rare occasion were its like ok just go to bed I JUST wANT TO GET MY PUSSY eAT piss it sucks 12:23amEmily yea, it's common curtosy... jesus you eat mine i eat yours 12:23amMiss If we got all this free timee why don't we just make each other feel good 12:23amEmily we gotta suck and suck and coke 12:23amMiss blah 12:23amEmily choke 12:23amMiss yeah man swallowing aint easy 12:23amEmily all they gotta do is wiggle their tounge around wtf! EW no i can't swallow cum anymore 12:23amMiss first off my breath smells like shit for like 5 hours 12:23amEmily the last time i did i choked and puked 12:23amMiss its annoying n im tired of vanilla sex 12:24amEmily we don't like shoot weird little half babies out, we don't liek shoot our eggs out 12:24amMiss i just want to have fucking kinky shit yeah man n my shit aint fowl jesus i dont eatmeat i eat mad fruit 12:24amEmily i feel ya hun 12:24amMiss i bathe eat my vagina jesus 12:24amEmily trust me i know before i ever ever get down i do a test to see if anythings funky never would i ever men are just arrogant, i feel lke, all of them 12:25amMiss seriously im such a fucking housewif e like gimme some I cook dinner I suck your dick can um i get some reciprocation wtf 12:26amEmily i can't believe that 12:26amMiss n he's bein so fuckin weird it could be me being a weirdo but like wa t the fuck 12:26amEmily i doubt it's you being a weirdo 12:26amMiss he spent like 4 days going on sand on about cheater in relationships n its like yo nigga wtf is up FUCK 12:27amEmily ... you're not going nuts that's fucking weird 12:27amMiss like i culdnt even watch the eagles like dude id your cheatin on me man up 12:27amEmily listen, if you suck his cock and he doesn't give you the favor back NOR fuck you, that's a deal breaker i've been watching a lot of 30 rock 12:28amMiss 30 thats not the tina fey jawn 12:29amEmily just the deal breaker 12:30amMiss like wtf man he's gettin complacent like i'll always be ther to suck cock sweep make d inner n clean the litter box n like he's supporting me riht now like financiallt n it brings in a new realm of shit n i know this is the boy im mean to be with so why the fuck cant he be a big boy 12:31amEmily does he see you as a house wife? like.... "i pay the bills, you suck my dick, fair is fair" 12:32amMiss i dunno 12:32amEmily maybe he sees you just as a housewife who sucks his dick for paying the bills, meaning he doesn't even have to work to get off 12:33amMiss i mean it seems like it would almos be justified but idk wtf man it sucks i duno im like becoming a door mat 12:33amEmily no baby i'm being brutally honest but i want you to know something!! 12:35amMiss ? 12:35amEmily you are always, 100% welcome here, you shouuld tell him "i'm going to emz for a day", but this is what you should say!! "listen, DUDE, if you're not going to fuck me, then i'm gonna go sleep at my friends house. BYE" 12:35amMiss I'm too fucking poor to get a fuckin token man it sucks 12:35amEmily you HAVE to annoy me. 12:35amMiss its so beat like really 12:36amEmily if you don't proove your own then he will NEVER take you seriously 12:36amMiss i know everyone keeps saying this n i don t even have money to leave the crib im bein adoormat 12:36amEmily nooo alix dont like, leave him just be liike 12:36amMiss i love him 12:36amEmily babe, if you won't fuck me, i'll go sleep with emz 12:37amMiss its such a convoluted sitatuou n 12:37amEmily i'm a girl, i'm non threatning 12:38amEmily oh alix i wish i could tell you how much i loved you, and how much i never once judged your boyfriend, trust me, i never thought badly of him 12:39amMiss he's awesome but its like i'm wifey'd the fuck out i dont mind but i want to fuckin have some recognition like seriously i hate sitting aournd while him n hen play video games 12:40amEmily that's the thing 12:40amMiss im sick of vanilla sex 12:40amEmily you won't get recognition 12:40amMiss im fucking tired of like i dunno i love h im to death but im wondering whats up like he was on this whole like cheatin schpiel for a minute 12:41amEmily women, girls, females, we're all a joke 12:41amMiss like for 4 fucking days nonstop all he would talk about was cheating and football players cheatin etc n it makes me uncomfortable n i love him and we've hit a rough spot but it's like wtf man why can't you love me i'm fucking cute as hell 12:42amEmily cheating and football players ? 12:42amMiss n im losing weight like a maniac which is cool but like its a lil worrsome 12:43amEmily alix i'm the worst person to ever ever give advice YOU'RE LOSING WEIGHT? 12:43amMiss like 'oh all these dudes cheat on there wives how many guys in america cheat on their wives 12:43amEmily what are you? 10 pounds? 12:43amMiss n its like ok they cheat but he keeps bringing it up incessantly n i even said dude why the fuck are you bringin this up not to mention how he freaks out whenever he sees a jewelery commercial 12:44amEmily do you think he cheated on you ever? 12:44amMiss and what i see is a man who loves me but will never want a significan commitment ill be damned if he had time to but im suspectin it n like seriosuly it's just like wrf is up your ass its tv i dunno and i wanna be with him n he's makin it so abundantly clear he doesnt want kids n im kinda torn about it which is nearly irrelevant but he keeps bringing it up 12:46amEmily he said he doesn't want kids ever? 12:48amMiss pretty much n im like well im 23 i dont want kids now but maybe in the future n he's like you dont want to ruin your body n its like wow suck cuz maybe i do want a baby b ut at any point in time a baby me and him come into close terms he wigs out n it sucks cuz i love him n this is who i think i sould be with but it's like...almost disrespect but he comes home wasted n he's all blah blah i love you so much i wanna be with you n i know i'm only 23 but it's like dude gimme an idea what your expecting

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Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009

pamcash

12:25a  Borrowing computer. Must be brief! Moved. Friends helped. Super gratitude*. I have become friends with Ikea's $7.99 table. Got mattress. After hours of Ikea and assembly, one finds ones' self hungry. I still have so much to do. Not in that "I need to sweep" way but in a "I need to make this look like it could be inhabited by a human" way. Saw Avatar. Other things that come to mind: Disney's Pocahontas Jurassic Park Lawrence of Arabia, with no desert nor grace Burning Man vs ROTC (thx Jesse for that gem) I think it will inspire a generation as far as technology and beauty and animation in movies is concerned. It was lots of fun wearing cool 3D glasses over my glasses in a giant Hop On Pop style glasses heap. Some of those lines though were such groaners... such effing groaners.  So are you all coming over or what? (sure ill take pictures!) *I could, at this point, start a whole blog about how grateful I am for the people I know. My most overwhelming emotion is gratitude. But I have no time to write about it right now. Have to just let it be all cray-cray in my brain.

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Saturday, December 19th, 2009

tequilasunset

4:48p Animal Rescue Site Please go HERE and click to give free food & care. It's free.

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i	12:53p waste thanks to jblaque

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Friday, December 18th, 2009

pamcash

1:12p THANK YOU Thank you, my lovely dear friend! Thank you for your generosity!! As thanks for your wonderful Christmas Gifts, I give you this awesome  cat video.

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pamcash

12:46p If I wasn't so stressed about money, I'd be really happy with my life. I've spent a good part of the day sobbing, looking at my (as I was typing my boss gave me a gift for christmas-- a little bonus that will go a long way. Sobbing has stopped.) I freaking love my morning job. No students came today. I watched a movie with the advanced class and had a danish. I also got a gift subscription to the New Yorker from a fabulous reader who may step forward if he wishes. God, how do I always somehow manage to step back from the brink, just in time? More evidence of serendipity: I picked up my keys and dropped off my deposit yesterday, and got asked if I could fill in for a model who called in sick last minute for a shoot. The photographer was big-time. I was nervous-time. I have no idea if they'll use my image or not, but if so, it's for a multicultural social networking/dating site. Lord knows my white-trash ancestors would be rollin' in their bluegrass-covered graves twere they to here of my face promoting such intermingling! They had me in pigtails and lively, natural smiles, which was probably a good choice. Exhale. I'm not going to die poor and freezing on the steps of the church in St Petersburg begging for bread crumbs. I'm going to be alright. In fact, rumor has it that sometimes people eventually thrive. I see it somewhere in the horizon. But for at least 2 years, I see adventure, adventure, adventure. My contribution will be endurance, bravery, and a healthy dose of "whatever."

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pamcash

10:26a Wishlist! Things I want for 2010: A New Literary History of America , edited by Griel Marcus and Werner Sollars. This is the most PAM CASH book that has ever been dreamed up! If I could think of a title, a subject, an editor (Griel Marcus is a rock critic and was a close friend to Lester Bangs, the greatest American essay writer that ever lived), everything I wanted in a book, this is totally what I would conjure. And with writers like Sarah Vowel and TJ Clark, it's sure not to disappoint. Vibrant cultural topics by vibrant writers and fun editors! It makes being academic sound more fun than going to Disneyland. A subscription to the New Yorker I've given up on finding a mainstream magazine of equal depth and fun based on the West Coast. I think a Californian-er magazine exists, but I can't find it. So it seems the obvious choice for left-leaning news, biting columns and fun movie critiques that are oh so snarky. That little sarcastic bitch in me hasn't died yet. Convenient, Inexpensive furnishing solutions ALL OF THOSE PHOTOS ARE OF APARTMENTS HUGER THAN MINE... yet they're from Apartment Therapy's 2008 "small but cool apartment" contest. This new place is going to require some real creativity. Especially considering my limited "organization skills." Perhaps one of you brilliant, beautiful people know a trick or two? Really, my IQ is zero when it comes to nesting. Please help. Money. Who would have known that a week of overdue videos from video hut would result in such a hearty fine? Seriously, it's like that parking ticket I had to pay. And those credit card bills, oy! Methinks I'm getting an ulcer.

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Wednesday, December 16th, 2009

pamcash

10:43p the hollywood mystery I think, the first time I was in hollywood way back before Korea, I thought Hollywood was just cool. Now I think it's pretty okay. Most people here are of above average intelligence-- but nothing spectacular. Like that funny guy in high school who will probably end up being a lawyer. Most people here live comfortable lives, but not spectacular or interesting lives. They are pleasant and nice and kind lives, but they are not shimmering or screeching or sparkling lives. A few people sparkle. A few lives are interesting. Most people are happy and most will not achieve greatness. For that, the world envies them. Happiness is a comfort and greatness is a burden, and these days it seems like most people are only capable of one or the other.

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pamcash

9:10a Safetylusions Unfortunately, it takes forever for statistics to surface. However, we have 2004 here ready and willing to be our friend: 3,727 fatal car accidents (NOT fatalities themselves, could be more but can't find stats) average people murdered per year is 515 Statistically I am hugely increasing my survival by getting off the road. So take that all you nay-sayers. NAY in KOREAN means YES!! (true). (As I say this, I look at the crime map and see that there was a murder at city hall last night.)

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Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

pamcash

5:42p WHOAH JUST GOT A CALL I GOT MY OWN APT YEEEAHHH IM A REALZ ADULT YO

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pamcash

4:56p the best of times... I could imagine it being a bit Dickensian downtown, if the weather weren't so nice all the time. The truth is I'm way too excited about applying for the Rosslyn Lofts and might cry if I get rejected. I've got a good feeling about all this though; I think I'll be allowed into it's ancient, renovated arms. Buildings don't have arms. Maybe I WILL have a secret party for Livejournal Readers Only. And those with furniture that they hate and want to give me.

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pamcash

9:42a accuracy and precision On Theater My experience with acting has been limited to the stage. I did theater in high school and univeresity, usually getting funny roles. I also wrote a play and directed it in high school. In University, much to my surprise, I landed one of the bigger roles in a huge, sold-out production. The theater allows for huge mistakes. In fact, the bigger the major biff, the more valuable the experience becomes; the performance is rare. Limited edition. Perhaps some brilliant improvisation will come of it, funnier than the script itself. The actors, in the meantime, have to stay as automated as possible... allowing flexibility if something extreme does indeed happen. I did a brief stint in dance. Dance was lots of fun but was nervewracking depending on the costume I had to wear. And I'll never be good enough at it to make it past a certain point, and I'm pretty much too old now anyway, but I love it. Then came a shift to puppetry. My dance teacher used to say, "To be a dancer, you must be an actor, an athlete, and a musician." A puppeteer would say, "Triple that, and you got me," as she accidentally glued her eyelids together. Puppetry is acting, dancing, visual artistry, craftsmanship, and engineering. Puppetry is for that gal or guy you know who would have been best friends with Da Vinci, equally scientifically and artistically minded. Mystery Bird is a team where everyone has something artistic and scientific to add. It's a refuge for those of us who never really wanted to be specialized in the first place, who's interestests are a bit too broad. It seems to be important to us, as humans, to do things that make us happy. I felt a lot of shame for being a visual artist during most of 2008 and 2009. It wasn't saving lives or curing HIV. It doesn't put me at risk; indeed, many Americans seem to hold artists in some special high regard, including me when they're really really good. I hated these things. I wanted to be a doctor. Still do many times. Rather than trying to feel unashamed, I've taken comfort in knowing that many of my favorite artists had similar thoughts about their profound unimportance. Rather than solve the issue, I can live with it and carry on. My new approach to so many internal dillemas. I want to paint again. Painting, drawing, and taking a comedy class. Just because I think they'd make me happy, and I'm not 30 yet, and I'm so tired of feeling guilty for doing things I like. I spent so much time in 2008 in sheer misery. Whether it's wise or utterly stupid, I'd like to indulge myself -- by going public. ___________________________________________________________________________________________ I did a bit of drawing last night. I have to admit, having a half-day yesterday made me a bit giddy. Sure, I won't be so giddy when I look at my paycheck, but I really relaxed yesterday with nothing-to-do. Today I plan on putting in my application to the Rosslyn Lofts. I'm a bit nervous. A rejection seems possible; my bank statements don't exactly show that I'm rollin' in it, but I've always paid my rent and I'm certain that my credit is good, or at least okey dokey...

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